Voice Memos
by promulgate
Summary: Achele. "I like the idea of isolation, I like the idea of solitude. You can be connected and have a phone and still be lonely." -Paul Theroux
1. Prologue

It's 2 AM and I _still_ haven't fallen asleep. Here I am, waiting for something interesting to happen in this fucking apartment. _Who am I even kidding? This building's filled with uptight businessmen just trying to make it in San Francisco and hipster college students._ So unless something interesting happens to any of them at two in the morning that DOESN'T include an exciting business proposal from a different country with a different time zone or the release of a new Coldplay song, I'm not expecting anything fun. Heck, I'm not even that fun anymore. My orange hair is the most exciting thing about me right now.

I unlock my phone and _well, there it is_, a picture of the two people that never fail to make me smile, or should I say, never failed. Why should I be subjected to use the past tense? They should still be able to make me smile, I mean, if they were here right now. I don't know. Yep, it was totally wise to make my lock screen a picture of Lea _and _Arthur. Fuck, I'm about to tear up, I don't know why this happens whenever I unlock my phone. I should just change the wallpaper, but it's just too hard-too many memories that I'll be removing along with the removal of this freaking picture. No, I'm not going to have a cliché breakdown in the middle of the night (or, at least, I hope I'm not going to). I remember when I took this picture, it all happened during the New Year's Eve of 2011. Me and Lea decided to get together on December 31, 2011, and things just escalated from there.

I sniffled as I entered her New York apartment—Sheila was waiting for me at the door. Damn these allergies.

"Are you okay? Should I bring her out, or?"

I breathed in heavily, why does this girl have to be so sweet? "No, no, no. It's fine, and besides, you can't let Sheila stay outside in this—" I pointed at the window, "—weather! It's unacceptable and could be considered animal abuse."

Snow was falling rapidly, and unless Lea wanted to turn her cat into a snowman, then she shouldn't even be.. whatever.

She chuckles at my comment. "Alright, but just say something if it gets too stuffy in here for you. She'll be fine outside, she has a coat!"_ What. _She says it as if _all_ cats have coats. She's Lea freaking Michele, damn it. She could or could not be joking, but I play along anyway.

"Sure she does," I roll my eyes and cross my arms. Lea huffs at my reply. "She _does!_ I swear." She reaches into her closet and pulls out a—_whelp,_ there it is. My eyes widen: why am I even surprised?

I move closer and take the jacket. "You've done it again, Lea."

She looks at me with a pout on her face. _No,_ you're not allowed to do that. You're not allowed to be cute while I'm making fun of your feline fashion obsession. Stop it. "Done _what?_" She raises her eyebrow, pretending to be confused.

"This.. thing you do. Buying weird things." She glares at me, "Hey! This isn't weird! It's practical, useful even!" I toss the coat to the couch and move closer to her beside the window.

"Let me guess, you have the booties to match?" A wide grin lights up her face. "That.. that's a _great_ idea!" I laugh and think, huh, this girl was nominated for a Golden Globe and an Emmy.

We talk for a few more hours until the clock strikes 11:50 PM. It's good she has a wall clock, otherwise we would've talked through Christmas. "Hey, Lea?" I pat her shoulder— she's playing with Arthur and she looks so fucking cute. They should make a show about Lea and pets. She'd kick Cesar Millan's ass.

"Yeah?" I point at the clock and she tenses up. "_Oh shit! _Hold on! Let me get something!" She runs into her bedroom and Arthur lies down on the floor, affected by how quick Lea left him. I rub under his ears and whisper, "Yeah, I'd be sad too if Lea abandoned me."

A few seconds later, she dashed into the room with a—_holy crap!_ Is that a Rolleiflex?

"This is my New Year's gift to you, I would've given you a coat for Arthur instead, but clearly you don't appreciate animal comfort. And, I didn't have time to wrap it, so you can just.. use it right now.." She smiled at me and I gave her the biggest hug I have ever given to anyone in my entire life, god, I'm probably crushing her but I don't care. Love hurts, right? _Right?_

"I.. thank you so much, I love it, I love.." I pause for a moment. I'm speechless, I've lost all sense of self control. Shit. ".. this night, everything's just.. perfect." Nice save, Agron. You've outdone yourself.

"Lea,_ Lea_, sit on the couch beside the window." She complies and I hold the camera up. "Smi—oh, Arthur! Just, uh.." Lea holds him in her arms so gracefully and I would really like to be in Arthur's place right now. "Like this? Is this okay?" She strokes his fur, and I'm just thinking about her running her fingers through my hair. Focus. "Yeah. Perfect." I took a second look, and yep. That looks really fucking perfect. I'm gonna 'Notebook'. Like the sad movie. I'm not thinking strai—"Are you gonna take the picture or.." I hold the camera up to my eye again and—_click._ Huh. I tinker around with it and, oh, god.

"Lea, did you put any film in this?" Her face turns blank. She blushes and covers her face with her hands.

"Augh, Di, I am so fucking sorry! It.. must've slipped my mind. I got it online, everything.. everything's _ruined!_" She's shaking, she's about to cry, and I just want to.. I don't even know. "No, Lea, stop, stop, please. This is what iPhone photo apps are for, right?" She looks up at me and wipes her eyes with a tiny smile. "For taking last minute New Year's photos when your vintage camera doesn't have any film in it?" I giggle at her comment. "Yeah, exactly." She returns to her position with Arthur, I slip out my phone, and yep, I'm 'Notebooking' the hell out right now. "3, 2, 1, smile!" _Snap._ "That was great." She grins and I look at the clock once again. It's 11:59.

She pulls me with her after taking a quick glance at the clock, and we're heading to the balcony, apparently. We leave our pets behind—Sheila's asleep and Arthur, as Lea put it, "doesn't have the proper winter attire".

Here we are. I can here the chants of the people in the apartments below and across us. "10!" We shout in unison. We don't even know what time it is but we're glad we made it to the countdown on time. "9!" She takes my hand in hers. "8!" I squeeze our palms together. "7!" I pull her closer to me. "6!" She rests her head on my shoulder. "5!" We look at the sky and 3 seconds have passed. "3!" _I._ "2!" _Love._ "1!" _You._

Bam! Fireworks. I wouldn't trade this moment for anything in the world. An explosion of color up in the sky, and an explosion of color right here on a snow filled New York apartment balcony. I wouldn't trade this moment for anything in the world. "Merry Christmas, lady," I say with a smile. "Merry Christmas to you too, lady." Oh, the unforgettable memories we make whenever no one is there to come between us.

The sound of something dropping in the apartment upstairs snaps me out of my haze, and yep, I'm definitely 'Notebooking' right now (can we please make that a thing? The term's ringing in my head.) Things happen too quickly, I'm so dramatic about things sometimes.

I check the clock and it's 2:40 AM. I don't want to be dramatic anymore, but it's gonna be a pretty _long_ night.


	2. Chapter 1: Don't Look Back In Anger

**A/N: Thank you for the support! In the span of 18 hours: over 200 page views, three favorites, and nine follows! This chapter is dedicated to all of you guys (and my favorite Oasis song, of course).**

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I should be sleeping, but instead I'm here, torturing myself with thoughts. I have work in a few hours, some press practice for Malavita with the team- I don't wanna show up with puffy red eyes, but that's what make-up's for. I've played ten minutes worth of Candy Crush Saga and I'm getting really pissed off. I can't get through level 79 and Jason's already on level 120-something. I need to catch up, but my five lives are all gone- damn it, why is this game so frustrating? Now I'll have to look for something else to distract me.

I rise from my bed really quickly: I'm surprised that I still have enough strength to do that. Lying in bed and holding my phone up really isn't the most comfortable position, so I was expecting horrible back pains (also, I let my phone slip from my hands a few minutes ago and it dropped on my face, and I am so not ready for another nose injury). I walk to the couch in front of my bed and position myself there: yep, this is _so_ much better than that god damned rock of a bed.

I scramble through my phone apps: Tumblr, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Candy Crush Saga (God forbid I play that game again), Messages, I don't know what to do. I look through my photography apps but I haven't turned on the lights, so unless I'm willing to risk ruining my 20/20 vision on an iPhone flash, I don't really want to take any photos (and of what, exactly? I'm a mess, and my room's a mess too). I look through my utilities and I have no idea what I am supposed to be looking for. Compass, Find my iPhone, Google, Barcode Scanner, Voice Memos, and..

_Son of a bitch._

Here it is. I knew it. My phone is going to be the death of me. I know what's saved on my memos- I haven't opened said app in months but I fucking _know. _More than 15 files saved on this, and I swear to _God_, if all of these are hers..

I open the oldest file: 6:14 AM, 2/11/11. I don't think I remember this day. I take my earphones and her voice rings in my ears. Will I subject myself to this pain? Probably. Yes. The masochist in me craves the heartache. She speaks into the phone, "Di, listen to how grumpy you are in the morning.."

Her laughing crackles into the microphone, "Hey, hey, hey! Dianna! Wake up! _Diiiiannnaaaaaaaaaa..." _

I hear some sheets rustling. A faint grumble escapes from my earphones.

"_Mmmgrh_, give me three minutes..' I hear my morning voice and wow, do I sound stupid or what? I hear Lea laugh at my comment. "Perfect, just enough time for a song."

Oh. Now I remember this day, and I'm not entirely sure if I want to.

* * *

I'm being such a grump, and I try to convince myself that it's Lea's fault, but really, it's all me. We have to be at the set in an hour, and if I hadn't stayed up all night baking with Lea, I'd be in a much better mood. She leans into my ear and whispers, "You'll love this song, I can feel it." My heart beats faster but I continue to pretend to be asleep. She might stop if I get up, and honestly, no one passes up on an opportunity to hear my lady sing.

She hums the first few notes of the song, and fuck, does she know how to pull on my heartstrings (even when I feel like absolute shit).

"Slip inside the eye of your mind, don't you know you might find, a better place to play.."

Her voice is perfect. Everything about her is perfect. I smile and turn to face her and we look at each other in the eye. She's beautiful.

"And so, Sally can wait, she knows it's too late, as we're walkin' on by. Her soul slides away.." I mouth the last few words of the chorus with her.

"But don't look back in anger, I heard you say.."

* * *

I hear giggling in the background when the song ends, and I hear a peck and a groan. The recording stops, and god, the memory of the events that occurred after.. so graphic, the delicious meshing or her lips, her tongue, her _everything,_ against mine.

"My soul slides away, but don't look back in anger, don't look back in anger.."

3:00 AM.

".. I heard you say."

I put my phone and mutter to myself as a tear escapes my eye. At least not today.

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	3. Chapter 2: It's A Quarter After One

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews, Loveisalwayshere, GabsM, and the guest! I'm writing this at two in the morning so I don't know.)**

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Who knew Noel Gallagher could have that effect on me? Apparently, Lea did. Fuck, I wanna go on and listen to the rest so badly. I'll have to leave at lunch and it's 3:30 AM, so I have 6- no, 9 hours to.. cry. I don't know, actually. My mind's so messed up that this 'lolcat' I stumbled upon on Tumblr is flooding my mind. No, you cannot have a cheeseburger, I utter to myself.

I'm thinking about what I just said, and yep, I've _definitely_ lost it. I set my mind back to my phone and I let the Oasis cover flow through my ears. Her voice is just so addicting, its like a drug. Leatalopram. Lealoft. Wow, I really need to get some rest before I start writing an entire prescription.

When the recording ends, my finger hovers over the file above it and my heart races with both excitement and fear. I press play and I can hear the clinking of piano keys. Lea- is that Lea? I hear her say the words, "Take 9. Need You Now by Lady Antebellum. Ready, Di?" And she sings. And her voice just makes me fall in love all over again, every cliché love quote just tramples me.

I remember when I learned this song on piano for her and only her: the Rachel and Puck duet on this song made me tear up. This song just.. it just describes everything I feel for her, y'know? I need her, right now, constantly, desperately, for the rest of my life.

But I know she'll never be there for me, or with me. At least, not anymore.

"Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor.."

I look up from my keyboard for a second, and she's singing with so much emotion, that I can LITERALLY feel her heart beat in time with the song even though I'm 3 feet away from her. She walks a bit closer to me and she's wearing that smirk she wears whenever she knows that I like what she's doing- and she must be a mind reader, because I really, really do.

Hell, she can wear that smirk whenever I'm around her because I like everything she does.

"And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.." I harmonize with her and the last few words of the prechorus just.. hits me hard.

"For me it happens all the time.."

She takes a deep breath and bursts into the chorus, her eyes clenched shut, and her hand on her chest- she has her shirt gripped so tightly that she might just pierce through her skin. It's as if she's trying to stop emotions from bleeding. It's not working, I can feel the emotion slipping through my fingers, and my hands tremble over the keys once again.

I stop playing and she starts laughing. I don't know what to say. Her performance ripped my heart into pieces for the ninth time today and now- what is she even- she's laughing while I'm in blatant emotional pain.

"Hey, lady?" she says, putting her hand on my back and slowly moving it up and down to soothe me. It just tenses me up even more, direct contact makes me.. nervous. I glance at her and she's just smiling at me. "If you're too tired to do this, we can just stop, you know?"

I shake my head, wanting to hear her sing again. She sits down beside me, and..

The memory is too hard to handle. I breathe deeply and I can hear the phone being moved. I hear a sigh, and with it comes my words. "I just love how your voice just strikes this part of me that no one else can. Again, please. Please, I need it." Those last few words could totally be taken out of context.

I can hear Lea whisper, "That's what the recordings are for, right? Wherever you are, whenever you want, I'll be with you, and I will.." I stop the recording.

And I will always be with you.

I move my hands up to my face and think to myself.

Where are you now? I'm here, wanting, needing, begging for you. I want to hear your ragged breathing, I want to hear your voice say the three words I'm dying to hear over and over again. I want to listen to your laugh, and hold you in my arms all night.

But my arms are empty. I hear nothing but the midnight San Francisco noise. I hear no laughs, I hear no music.

I hear no.. _you._

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**It's 2:20 AM right now and I am overcome with emotion! Leave me reviews, comments, and follow me on my blog (rosetrider)! Thanks! x**


	4. Chapter 3: You've Got The Love

**A/N: Hello. I'm back.**

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Trying to make shit happy at 3 in the morning is really hard. I wish I was drunk right now. I wanna get wasted, I wanna forget what just happened. But I also.. want more. Is that weird? Probably.

I walk from my room to the kitchen. I need water: my eyes and lips are dry. Or liquor. _That would work too._

Then I remember that I've run out of vodka, and I'm currently craving that bittersweet taste to run through my tongue. Whatever. How many glasses of water will it take to get tipsy?

I put the edge of the glass to my lips and I recall what happened in the past few hours. It's 4:00 AM and _shit_, I feel horrible.

Walking back to the bedroom, I stare at the phone on the coffee table, teasing me with the glimmer and the reflection of the moon that peeks through my window. I don't feel any reluctance any more to open the next file (I _should_, actually, each file sends me tumbling down), convincing myself that I am accustomed to the pain. And so I open it.

The serene sound of quiet hums surges through my earphones into my ears, and before I knew it, I am seated down on Lea's couch and she comes into the room carrying the biggest fucking thermos known to man.

I straighten my back and say, "Where did you-"

She cuts me off. "T-Theo. Theo gave it to me." I sigh. _Fucking Stockman_. He's a really good guy, and yet the jealousy makes me want to rip his head off and feed him to Sheila. I'm a horrible person. Love makes people want to do violent things.

"Of course he did," I huff. She quirks an eyebrow at me and takes a sip from her Theo thermos. Her 'Theormos'. What a comical name, he should make a thermos company.

"Jealous much, Di?" she says, and I shrug at her. _No shit_, Lea. I wear my best tantrum face and she just smiles at me (Why? I don't know. She doesn't react normally to normal things that happen to normal people). "You don't have a reason to be jealous of him. Besides, you have something doesn't.." She twirls her hair around her finger. I put on a straight face and prepare for the next word that I'm going to say.

"Boobs?"

We burst out into laughter and puts her drink on the coffee table. Her eyes meet mine in an intimate stare and says, "Yes, but you know what else?" Wow. I never thought her voice could get that husky. Thank you, Lea. I have ruined my underwear.

I snap out of it before thoughts get.. out of hand. I shake my head as to say now to her question, and she takes my hand in hers.

"You have.. a heart patient enough to love me." It really doesn't take a lot to love her, though.

I was hoping for something sexual (god damned perversion, it happens, right?), but _okay_. Make me cry, that's cool too. Who am I kidding? Those words did something sex could never do, and that's "make me emotional".

She lays on the bed and pats the space beside her. I comply and I immediately run my fingers through her hair. I don't know, it's turned into a habit, I guess. I move her fringe to the side and she looks up at me with those adorable eyes. I plant a kiss on her forehead and she runs her fingers through my chest, then eventually to my neck. My left arm reaches out for my phone and I manage to choke out, "Sing to me, please?" And she does. I press record and I shudder at the thought of listening to her when I'm alone at night, just being taken over by her sound.

She starts drawing hearts on my collarbone and hums the first few notes. My chest rises awkwardly, I don't know what to do with my body right now. "Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air.." I continue to brush her hair with my palms and she nuzzles into my neck. "I know, I can count on you." Yes, god yes. You can 'count on me' forever, if you just keep doing.. this thing where you.. "Sometimes I feel like saying, "Lord, I just don't care.." Where you make me weak, where you make me vulnerable. She moves up to my ear, kisses it, and husks, so very silently, that I wouldn't have heard it if I wasn't paying an embarrassing amount of attention to her.

"But you've got the love I need to see me through."

I'm_ so fucking done_. My mind is occupied with thoughts of the future, this future, our future. The years we will inevitably spend together. She sings the chorus, kills it, but maintains that sweet and sultry tone that makes me melt. "You've got the love.. you've got the love.." I have it, I have it..

"You've got the love, you've got the love.." And it's all for _you._

I hear the microphone crackling, but I can still hear Lea's voice piercing through. It gets silent and I can hear her whisper the lyrics, "Sooner or later in life, the things you love, you lose."

It's too soon for me, and no, I don't have the love anymore.

I feel the faint whisper of the cold morning breeze as the clock hits 5:00 AM. I need to go to sleep. 7 hours to go.

* * *

_The smell of coffee coming from the cafe in front of me is enough to make me high. Lea is sitting on the sofa beside the window, taking slow sips of her Italian Roast. She looks gorgeous, her hair's down, she's wearing a band tee under her black cardigan, and it's perfect. She looks out the window, smiles at me, and motions for me to come and join her. The sun hits her hair as she reaches for her phone in her purse. I rush inside and before I get there, Cory takes the chair in front of her. He has Lea's hand in his, they're looking into each other's eyes._

_Then they both look up at me, and they start laughing. Every memory just shows up around me. Lea unlocked her phone up and showed a picture of me and her in our old apartment to cory. _

_"And like, she thought I'd actually love her forever!" They both burst out into an even louder laughter, and Lea says, "You're the only one I'll ever love, C." Cory leans in and they kiss. Her tongue slips into his mouth, just like what she used to do to me, and I run out of the cafe, bursting into tears, and the sidewalks are filled with me and her. Memories of us, what used to be. I keep running, and running, and running, and eventually I.._

* * *

"_Fuck!_" I shout. I move my hand up to cup my throbbing head. That nap was a piece of shit. My body shakes violently and tears flood my eyes. I look at the clock and it's already 7:00 AM. I grip my pillow and silently say to myself, "It was just a dream, it was just a dream, it was just a dream…"

But I have no doubt in my mind that it could still happen.

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**Hey! I'm soo freaking sorry for not having updated yesterday! This one here is a bit longer than the other chapters to make up for it. And FYI, I have nothing against Theo, Cory, or Monchele (I don't know Mr. Stockman enough to either love him or hate him, although he has proven to be a good boyfriend to Lea, or at least, that's what I've gathered, and I am a massive Cory fan and I ship Monchele). I'm using their names to make this fix as realistic as possible (without the whole Dianna-traveling-to-the-most-obscure-places-in-the -world-thing, of course). The next chapter is gonna contain another voice memo, then right after, I'm thinking to get into the press practice thing (I can't drag the morning on forever). So, comments, reviews, suggestions? I love you guys! x**


	5. Author Alert! To be deleted

Hey guys! I'm soooooooo sorry I haven't been able to update in a while, I've been pretty busy with some stuff with my therapist and dentist! I promise I'll update after tomorrow (Aaah! It's my 14th birthday tomorrow!) Please keep on referring and reading. I'm actually done with 1/2 of the fourth chapter. I love you all! This will be deleted when I update.


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